So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
