I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
