Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
