watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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