it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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