SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
