She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
