Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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