i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
