Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
