I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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