can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
