Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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