He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
