Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
