tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
