so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
