I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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