its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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