Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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