i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
