:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
