Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
