I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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