Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
