At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
