She said her name was "party"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
