Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
