i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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