I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
