Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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