my sisters under your porch take her home
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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