dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
