Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
