i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
