jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
