Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
