i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
