the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
