Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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