btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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