she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
