no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had sex on a roof
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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