WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
