Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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