Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do herpes really smell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
