You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
