he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
