I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
