They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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