I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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