If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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