where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
